Unnamed Horrors
by Danyella Skyler Silverfire
Summary: Only Xander would have THIS problem.
1. Unnamed Horrors

**Title:** Unnamed Horrors  
**Fandom:** Buffy: the Vampire Slayer  
**Author:** Danyella Skyler Silverfire  
**Website:** Livejournal or Insanejournal (under danyellaskyler)  
**Rating:** G  
**Genre(s):** Humor  
**Pairing(s):** None  
**Summary:** Only Xander would have _this_ problem.  
**Warnings:** Just some minor Giles being horrified by Xander. And for Jenny from the Imaginings list: This fic may cause you to be thrown out of the library for laughing to loud.  
**Disclaimer:** Checks reality meter (It's remarkably Magic Eight Ball shaped). shakeshake Do I own Buffy? Nope still the right reality. Go eat a tuna sandwich instead. stares Damn.  
**Author's Note:** I seriously have the weirdest plotbunnies attack me.  
**Word Count:** 450

Unnamed Horrors

Xander opened the door to his apartment and gestured in the five potentials that would be staying with him for the foreseeable future and Giles. "Welcome to Casa de Xander."

The girls looked around curiously, clutching their sleeping backs and what little else they had - mostly weapons.

"Thanks for letting them stay here, Xander," Giles said again, as he came in to do a brief look through of the apartment before handing them over to Xander for at least the night.

"No prob. Makes it less crazy at Buffy's house, so it's the least I can do," Xander replied, shrugging off yet another round of gratitude.

Giles nodded as he opened Xander's closet he took one look and slammed it shut before turning to pin Xander with a glare, "Xander, I thought I told you to stop letting Unnamed Horrors stay in your closet."

"I did. I got the point, Unnamed Horrors are bad, and should not be paying me rent for my closet space." Xander recited from memory, having heard the lecture many times over the last two years.

"Xander," Giles growled opening the closet again and reveals an Unnamed Horror. "Then what do you call this?"

Xander gave the Unspeakable Horror that really should fit in the dimensions of his closet and waved back at it when it turned one of its many eyes to him and raised a tentacle in greeting, "Bob."

"_Bob?_" the level of disgusted incredulity in Giles' tone was actually rather impressive all things considered.

"Yeah, Bob, son of Pete."

Giles pinched the bridge of his nose in disgusted horror, "Oh good god. Where's Pete?"

Xander waved a hand towards the kitchen, "Under the sink."

"Xander giving them names does not make them stop being Unnamed Horrors," Giles lectured.

"Oh, I didn't name them. That's how they introduced themselves," Xander explained, as if it all was perfectly logical.

Rubbing at his growing headache, Giles carefully gathered his thoughts before trusting himself to speak again. "Xander _why_ do you keep doing this?"

Xander gave Giles an affronted look, "Hey, _I_ don't do this. I just started charging them rent after they wouldn't go away. But it would be nice if you can get them to stop calling me the "Son of Chaos" or "Bane of Order" and stuff like that. The titles make me feel weird."

"Oh good god. Xander!" Giles exclaimed in horror.

And so it went. Meanwhile the potentials stared in terror at the Unnamed Horror Bob who waved cheerfully at them with one tentacle as he at popcorn and drank a beer. Running through all their minds was, _'Maybe we didn't luck out with staying with the cute guy after all...'_


	2. Vacation Tales

**Title:** Vacation Tales  
**Fandom:** Buffy: the Vampire Slayer  
**Author:** Danyella Skyler Silverfire  
**Website:** Livejournal, Insanejournal, or  
**Rating:** G  
**Genre(s):** Humor  
**Pairing(s):** None  
**Summary:** Xander has to explain why he's almost, but not quite banished from Japan.  
**Series:** Unnamed Horrors  
**Warnings:** Hmm... some humor that only anime fans would get.  
**Disclaimer:** Checks reality meter (It's remarkably Magic Eight Ball shaped). shakeshake Do I own Buffy? Nope still the right reality. Go eat a tuna sandwich instead. stares Damn.  
**Author's Note:** I seriously have the weirdest plotbunnies attack me.  
**Word Count:** 352

Vacation Tales

Giles sighed in dismay as he cleaned his glasses, "Oh Good God! Xander! You took _Bob_ with you?!"

"He needed a vacation too! Being an Unnamed Horror is hard work you know!" Xander explained indignantly.

Giles gave Xander a horrified look, "How would you know that Xander?"

Xander looked away nervously. "I did a little interning thingy with Jesus..." Xander paused and then pronounced it the correct, Spanish way - Hey-Suess. "Anyway it's not _my_ fault that idiot opened Bob's travel box."

Giles pounced that new tidbit of information like a lion a lame zebra. "Travel box? _Bob_ has a travel box?"

"Yeah, here." Xander held up a carved 2'x1'x1' jewelry-box-like-box. "His travel box. Its how he gets around in this world with out the whole coming here and traveling around. Which would be of the bad."

"He travels in a jewelry box? How does he fit?" he asked in confusion.

"That's like asking how he fits in my closet. He just does." Xander explained, waving off the question as unimportant.

Giles nodded and went back to the original subject - reclaiming in disgusted, indignant tone. "And now you're banished from Japan! You got banished from a country, Xander! Because of whatever you two did on vacation!"

Xander felt the need to defend himself there. "I wasn't banished. They just want me to give them a heads up if I go back there."

Giles gave a pained sigh. "That's not the point Xander."

"That is the point. I'm not Buffy. _I_ can at least go back to Japan if I want, unlike little miss "I can't go back to Greece even if the world's ending.""

Giles paused. "True enough." sigh "Is there anything the Council should really know about what happened?"

Xander thought for a moment. "Well..."

Giles shivered at the feeling of impending doom. "Yes?"

"If anyone with cat ears shows up looking for me, just tell them you never met me. 'Cause they'll be from the cult."

"Oh Good God! Xander!" And they were right back where they started. With the reason that Giles' vacations were always right after Xander's.


	3. It's Just a Book!

**Title:** It's Just a Book!  
**Fandom:** Buffy: the Vampire Slayer  
**Author:** Danyella Skyler Silverfire  
**Website:** Livejournal, Insanejournal, or  
**Rating:** G  
**Genre(s):** Humor  
**Pairing(s):** None  
**Summary:** Bob really knows what sort of gifts to give Xander. To bad the evil cult stole it though.  
**Series:** Unnamed Horrors  
**Warnings:** Hmm... some humor that only anime fans would get.  
**Disclaimer:** Checks reality meter (It's remarkably Magic Eight Ball shaped). {{shake}}{{shake}} Do I own Buffy? Nope still the right reality. Go eat a tuna sandwich instead. {{stares}} Damn.  
**Author's Note:** I seriously have the weirdest plotbunnies attack me.  
**Word Count:** 345

It's Just a Book!

Xander glared at Giles. "It's not evil, Giles!"

"Bob gave you a copy of the Necronomicon ex Mortis! That is a very evil book Xander!"

"It is not the Necronomicon ex Mortis! Besides, _I'm_ not the one that did the summoning spell it had."

"No, that would be the cult that stole your birthday present from Bob," Giles couldn't help but snip.

The situation they were in was dire. The Council kept forgetting that Xander's roommate/best friend Bob was an Unnamed Horror until he did things like give Xander evil books for his birthday. Then everyone would suddenly remember that Xander is apparently a pacifying influence on the deepest forces of darkness.

He wasn't even sure if Xander was even human anymore really. But it was a non-issue usually until things brought to light how human Xander isn't anymore. Like the fact that they _fail_ to stop the ritual from the evil birthday book and Xander isn't fazed by it.

"Really Giles, it's not going to be that bad."

"And just why not?" Giles demanded.

As if in answer a darkly malevolent figure rose from the center of the ritual circle and raised it's head. "Boy was that a hard ritual. I almost feel like you can see right through me. Oh wait I'm a ghost, you can." The laugh was _not_ reassuring, but not in a way Giles was used it. This was more a bad comedian laugh, not a 'I'll-grind-your-bones-to-make-my-bread' laugh.

Xander snickered. "I told you, not that bad. It's a _joke_ book Giles, not evil."

"I'll have you know I'm quite evil!" the spirit said with a disdainful sniff. "I'm so evil I was imprisoned in a dungeon dimension to save the world from the possibility of my return."

Giles gave the spirit a look before sighing and turning away. "Fine, take him out for a drink, show him an episode of Seinfeld, I don't care. Just have Bob send him back before the end of the month."

Some things you just don't fight. A horrifically bad comedian is one of them.


	4. To Get Attention

**Title:** To Get Attention  
**Fandom:** Buffy: the Vampire Slayer  
**Author:** Danyella Skyler Silverfire  
**Website:** Livejournal, Insanejournal, or  
**Rating:** G  
**Genre(s):** Humor  
**Pairing(s):** None  
**Summary:** There are _reasons_ summoning Unnamed Horrors is a bad idea. Luckily Xander's around to clean up the mess.  
**Series:** Unnamed Horrors  
**Warnings:** B&E. Non-discribed evil ritual gone wrong. Xander's wobbly moral compass?  
**Disclaimer:** Checks reality meter (It's remarkably Magic Eight Ball shaped). {{shake}}{{shake}} Do I own Buffy? Nope still the right reality. Go eat a tuna sandwich instead. {{stares}} Damn.  
**Author's Note:** I seriously have the weirdest plotbunnies attack me.  
**Word Count:** 723

To Get Attention

Xander had these days. Days were everything doesn't necessarily go _wrong_, just weird. It had started with his early morning run, and he had noticed that the creepy, to-nice-to-be-real, family's house was to quiet.

Now Xander didn't really have anything against them, they just creeped him out. They were nice, and sweet, and normal, and in Sunnydale, so they made him naturally paranoid. So to make himself more comfortable he kept a subtle eye on them, mostly by jogging by their house.

After seeing no movement and the family cars still in the drive, Xander made a mental note to swing by after work to check things out. After all, it could just be him being overly paranoid. So Xander continued his run and kept an eye out for anything else out of the norm.

* * *

Xander took one last look around before unlocking the door to the house with the key he had found in the planter. He wondered briefly if it was a bad thing that he didn't feel even the smallest bit of guilt at breaking into a family's home, but brushed the thought off as unimportant.

Xander did a brief, room by room search of the first and second floors before heading down to the basement and hitting the jackpot. There painted on the floor in what he hoped wasn't blood was some sort of summoning circle. Still no sign of the family, but worrisome all the same. Taking a breath he stepped off the stairs and started taking a closer look around the basement, careful not to disturb the circle, or get to close if he could help it. Finding nothing else, and still no signs of Creepy McEvil family Xander headed home after locking up behind him.

Once he was safely back in his own apartment he picked up the phone and dialed Giles.

_"Hello?"_

"Hey, Giles! You know that creepy family on Devret Drive? I think they summoned something in their basement and it ate them," Xander said in greeting.

_"Xander, I told you, just because they're normal doesn't mean their up to something,"_ Giles explained with an exasperated sigh.

"I know what you said, but I found a summoning circle in their basement and no sign of them not an hour ago."

_"You broke into their house?"_ Giles asked incredulously. He really wondered about the boy's moral compass sometimes.

"Yeah, I noticed something weird when I passed by on my morning run today, and went to go check it out after work. Which was good, because summoning things is a bad thing."

_"What kind of summoning circle was it?"_

"Creepy and evil? I'm not sure, I hadn't seen one like it before, maybe you should check it out? The key to the door is in the planter on the right."

_"Right, I'll run by with Buffy. We'll talk about your breaking and entering later."_

After a few more minutes of talking they both hung up and Xander went about preparing his dinner. Finally he was able to sit in front of his TV with a plate of beef stroganoff and a glass of milk to watch tv for an hour.

Two Weeks Later

"I'll be right back, don't unpause it." Xander said over his shoulder as he went to answer the door. "Oh, hey guys. What's up?"

"Anya said you got a roommate?" Buffy asked.

"Yeah. I found him in one of the cemeteries and offered him a place to stay until he could head home," Xander grinned. "He's a pretty good roommate. Pays me on time and is getting to be pretty good at Mortal Kombat."

"You never said you needed money, Xander," Willow scolded with a frown.

"Oh, I don't. But I couldn't leave him in the graveyard. Who knows what might have happened."

"Good thinking," Giles said.

"So come on in." Letting his friends into his apartment, he ignored the terrified silence that fell when they saw his new roommate. "Guys this is my roommate. Roomie this is my friends. Buffy, Willow, Oz, and Giles."

Oz thankfully managed to keep things from getting awkward. "So Lovecraft a fan?"

Xander and the 'roommate' laughed. "Maybe. I don't know." Xander shrugged. "Pizza?"

Oz swung his eyes from Xander, his roommate to the open pizza box. There was only one thing he could really say, "Cool."


End file.
